Christian moving on
by Timidmouse
Summary: Set in Christian's flat after the revelation from Syed that he has been "cured" of being gay.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Christian's POW

"Dull your aching heart!"

Roxy is absolutely right – I am doing the self indulgent queen thing. It doesn't matter whether it is Zainab, Masood or Syeds doing it looks like Syed is firmly back in the closet and everyone else is moving on with their lives.

I have taken one step forward setting up as a personal trainer; I can't go three steps back by moping over a lost cause when I need to put all my efforts into building a new business.

Despite keeping Roxy in the dark during all those months of ecstasy and despair as Syed flip flopped between his heart and his conscious – she has been a real friend, and now she is my first paying customer!

Besides although she, Jane and Lucy were great in the weeks after the "party" I can tell their sympathy is wearing thin. Damn Syed - I know it was me that brought everything out into the open in such a dramatic manner – but it is me that gets beaten up, yet he still chooses to come back and mend his relationships with his parents rather than me.

I hate the way he couldn't look me in the eye, I hate the way he thinks sorry can make it all better, I hate the way that he thinks he can wipe what we had from his consciousness, I hate the way the he won't stand up to his mother; I hate that he is spineless and gutless; I hate so many things about him...and yet still I can't hate him.

A glimpse of him walking across the square sets my pulse racing and his touch this morning sent a wave of shocks through my body. The memories of him linger everywhere, the Vic, the Cafe, and the gardens ... not to mention "the" alley!

My flat is haunted by the sight, sound and scent of our wild and passionate sex. There is no escape for me – he is the shadow that follows me in my waking hours and as for the nights... I groan at the memories that consume my dreams and the despair that comes every morning when I open my eyes to face the truth.

So let waste his time and money on a quack therapist, let him delude himself into believing that his long held dream of a perfect husband, father, son, brother and Muslim is within his reach – but he is not dragging me down with him. I am better than this!

I have my family, I have my new business, I have friends who care and I can still turn heads in Vauxhall when I want to. It's just at the moment I am not so sure that I want to – or is it just that all I see are imitations of the beauty that I crave?

It's enough now –move on Christian, there has to be life after Syed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter ****2**

Christian's POW

Zainab! I curse the woman –there I am moving forward putting the past behind me; pulling on a mask of normality sweeping Jean off her feet and trying to be positive even with that despicable women and bang I am right back to square one because of her pig headed attitude.

So here I am back at the flat– nursing yet another bruise and having lost my one customer. Mind you I didn't think Masood had it in him! It was a lucky punch – it was just so unexpected that he caught me off guard – but it was worth it to see the look on their faces and nothing Lucy likes better than winding up the Masood's. There's the door – must be Lucy, she must have escaped before Ian grounded her. Oh no...

Christian: "What do you want?"

Syed: "Tam said my Dad punched you. Just thought you should know he is going to sue."

Christian: "Sue me, what for?"

Syed: "Loss of earnings, his hand is all swollen, his knuckles are grazed, and he's in terrible pain. You can't go around hitting people's fist with your face and get away with it."

And there it is – that grin and those sparkling teasing eyes that melt my heart.

Christian: "What you doing here really?"

Syed: "Apologising for my Dad?"

Christian: "Well job done"

I want him to go; I just can't handle this "normal" conversation.

Syed: "And for me ... for lying, for pretending I didn't care about you or have feelings for you."

The words rip through me – how many times do I have to go through this? Sure I told his parents I loved him – but I have been saying the same thing from that first "Gotya" and will continue to say it to my dying day. It is not me that ever said what we have is wrong, but here he is once again with a split second reaction led by his heart, when I know full well his conscience will kick him into reverse gear tomorrow. Honesty – the boy doesn't understand the word, lie after lie after lie have spilt from those tender lips.

So I have to be brave, I have to continue moving forward – I must reject him, push him away from me, just as he did me.

Christian "No I did wait Sy, I waited too long to go through this again."

I see the confusion and hurt in his eyes and as much as I long to take him in my arms and smother him with kisses I steel myself and push him out and close the door behind him.

I WILL move on – I must.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter ****3**

Christian's POW

I am proud of myself – another morning and my resolve hasn't weakened. I am moving on.

Strike 2 against Syed – I rejected him again. He came running to me like an excited child wanting a treat. A reward for what - for recognising the blinding obvious that he can't be cured of being gay? Except that it didn't run true – he came "hop, skip and jumping" from the stall with Zainab. Now would she be standing there calmly serving curry if he had told her what he just told me? No way. He would either be confined to the house, be dragged back to the therapist or I would be on the receiving end of her poisonous tongue (because it is my entire fault after all).

So step forward one – find new customers – step forward two – don't fall back into another Syed trap.

And then the doubts kick in – he hadn't moved into reverse gear as I assumed. Maybe he really meant it this time? I have rejected him twice now – what if he thinks that means I don't care anymore? Just because I kept bouncing back to him every time he changed his mind – will he have the same resolve?

From positive mental attitude I quickly slide back into melancholy – where is Roxy when I need her to get everything into perspective?

Focus Christian focus! Keep yourself busy with marketing your new business and stop your mind wandering and yearning for the past that cannot ever become the future.

I spend the day distributing leaflets, using my persuasive charisma on potential clients and enjoying their admiring glances. It almost feels like normal again to flirt, cajole and charm and as the crowds begin to subside I am pleased to have two clients booked and another five to be confirmed. I am excited, another step forward.

So I go out for run – after all I am my own best advert! As my feet pound the street my mind begins to wander and the doubts come creeping back. What was it James said – there is no point having a great business and a nice flat if there is no-one there to share it with. I want to share my newly found enthusiasm with someone other than Jane or Roxy. I feel the sweat running down my back and my muscles aching. I want someone to ease the tension and my heart begins to race at the thought of Syed's hands on my weary body, sweet caresses turning to hot urgent kisses and ... I turn the corner to the Vic realising what I actually need is a cold shower!

And then I hear it...

Syed: "Christian"

Here we go again

Syed: "I don't want a reward!"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter ****4**

Syed's POV

Tam is so sweet worrying about me like he does – but he does not understand that I don't have choices anymore. After all I have put him through, I can't blame Christian for not wanting me – and just look how happy Mum and Dad are to have Bushra and the Aunties visit us. This could be a gateway for our family to gain back some respect from the wider community. What price is my happiness against that?

The chances of Bushra being able to find a new wife are nonexistent, after such a public disgrace what reputable family is going to allow their daughter to marry me! All I need to do now is keep my head down, work hard, build up the business and do whatever Mum wants me to do. I don't think I need to worry about the spectre of entering into another marriage in the near future. If and when it ever happens I will be older and wiser and I won't have someone like Christian tempting me into sin.

Not that Mum agrees, as I retreat to the kitchen to escape the spotlight, she is assuring me that somewhere out there is "**the one**". How can she be sure?

Zainab _"Because it is destined Syed, because everything we have been through, everything has brought us to where we are now. You were never meant to be with Amira, I understand that now. Everything happens for a reason even if we don't know what it is, all this – it was meant to be."_

What if she is right? If there is only one – then how could it be anyone else but Christian!

If I walk out this house now, right in the middle of this party, there will be no coming back. My family will never understand but if Christian is destiny I have to find him **now** – I have to make him understand, I have to fight for him.

I say goodbye - Fi Aman Allah!

Christian's POV

Do I hear him out or walk away? I am hot and tired from my run, I really want to turn around and quench my thirst in the Vic, but there is something different about him. He is calm and determined, but no more determined than I am not to be dragged back into a destructive relationship.

And then I hear him asking for help. Help to be proud of who he is both gay and Muslim and suddenly the prospect of Allah who "will always know" no longer being a barrier changes everything. With my help he could just possibly win round his family but I never stood a chance trying to fight against his God.

With trepidation I offer that help. I am rewarded with a gentle but fearful touch of his hand on my face; I reassure him with a butterfly kiss on his fingers and feel a surge of hope that this time his heart has finally won the battle.

Then I see his parents, and as he turns to face them his hand drops away and my heart is in my mouth waiting to see if he retreats from me. But no – he stands his ground.

The look on Masood's face is clear, Syed knows it as well as I do, there is no going back now. Not for the first time I actually feel sorry for Zainab. Her heart is breaking, I know she loves Syed dearly, and she just does not understand how to do so without destroying him. She will have her choices to make too.

And so here we are, arm in arm going home. Today I moved forward so far – I actually reached my destination.


End file.
